Lately I’ve found myself wondering just what kind of junk mail existed before the daily avalanche of penis enlargement fodder. Every day, without fail, messages like ‘Increase your member’ and ‘Three inches in a week!’ or ‘Satisfy her!’ land in my junk box. Not to mention some of the more absurd ones: ‘Smash through walls with your massive dong!’ or ‘Missile in your pants!’
It’s endless. And it’s not limited to junk mail either – the entire net is strewn with ads for pills, cremes, powders and techniques to make you ‘the man you’ve always wanted to be’; the pages of every sex-rag out there – as well as numerous ‘high-brow’ men’s magazines – are littered with them. ‘Give her the gift she’s always wanted!’
All this really got me to thinking. Are there men out there who really DO want a missile in their pants? And how far is too far? I mean, at what point do things leave the realm of pleasure and enter the absurd – is there such a thing as TOO big? Mystified, I decided to do a little research and find out once and for all.
Despite all the humour, there is a very real undercurrent to this topic that dates back longer than any one of us can imagine. If there is one issue that is of nearly universal concern to all men (and women), it’s this. The last thing any male wants is to come up short – literally – in that department. As with breast size for women, this topic is under never-ending scrutiny in the media. Shows like ‘Sex And The City’ and ‘Ally McBeal’, which have depicted women crying in bed and leaving their lovers over inadequate penis size, only add to the furor. How else could a billion-dollar enlargement industry continue to grow and thrive?
It hasn’t always been this way. Although surely somewhat of a concern from the very beginnings of civilized culture, we’ve survived. Size has nothing to do with whether or not the parts work correctly – it’s merely an issue of aesthetics, and pleasure. Only in the last thirty-five years has it reached the level of omnipotent urgency we see today – everything has to be bigger, better, hotter, stronger…
In the seventies we saw the penis-pump come to light. Not openly spoken of, ordered by teenagers and lonely men from the backs of mattress-magazines and destined to end up collecting dust in the corner of the closet, they’re basically considered a relic today. In the eighties we began to hear a little about something called ‘traction’, rightly deserving of it’s S&M image-provoking name. This is a process by which you lengthen your penis by hanging weights from it for prolonged periods of time. Enough said.
It wasn’t until the mid nineties that we began seeing ads for things such as pills and solutions, and penile surgery, known as phalloplasty, was a commonly known technique. Then of course there’s ‘jelqing’, the so-called ‘natural and ancient’ manner of enlargement which basically consists of fifteen-minute daily sessions during which you repeatedly squeeze your penis as if it were a freezie that you were trying force the last drops of juice from.
As far as I could find, there is no scientific evidence to support the notion that any of these techniques really work. On the contrary, some of the side effects are down-right frightening, ranging from burst blood vessels to blisters to scarring, deformity, infection and even impotence. In the case of the pills, analyses performed by the University of Maryland and Flora Research of California have uncovered harmful contaminants including mold, yeast, E. Coli, pesticides, and lead, not to mention “heavy fecal contamination”. (Michael Donnenburg – U of Maryland.)
Is all of this really worth it? How many ‘small’ penises are actually out there and – here we come to it – what actually constitutes ‘small’ and ‘large’?
Putting aside personal preferences for a moment, lets look at the statistics. According to Wikipedia, several studies have been conducted regarding the length of the fully erect adult penis. Amusingly enough, “those studies that relied on self-measurement consistently reported a higher average than those that had staff take the measurements.”
Out of five separate studies from different parts of the world, the average length was between 5.1 and 6.1 inches. When it comes to girth, the average out of four separate studies was a lot closer – between 4.7 and 5.0 inches in circumference.
So, how does that sound to everyone? Correct? And, if so, good enough? Or has nature cut us all short on this one, being more concerned with the mechanisms of reproduction than the intricacies of pleasure?
Appararently, according to some women, certain men can be too big. What? Too big? Who ever heard of such a thing! Don’t be ridiculous. More is better, remember?
This brings to mind another fascinating issue. I am not an avid porn watcher, but I’ve done my share and seen some eye-opening things in my time. When it comes to the extremely well-endowed male (9 to 12 inches), I’ve often wondered exactly how it is that the women in these movies are able to take that much. As far as I knew, the cervix simply doesn’t leave enough room for someone like John holmes to get all the way in – so what, exactly, is happening?
After a little research the answer became clear. Unlike the penis, which is fairly simple, the vagina is an extremely complex piece of biological machinery. (Kinda like their owners!) Women are capable of having four different types of orgasm: vulval (clitoral), vaginal (g-spot), uterine (epicentre), and blended, the latter being any combination of the prior three. Researchers have also apparently found another hot-spot inside the vagina recently, known as the ‘Anterior Fornix Erotic’, or ‘AFE Zone’.
Now, if the vagina is a complex piece of machinery, then female orgasm, as one site put it, is an extremely complex phenomenon. I’m not going to get into all the details here, but the one thing I did learn is that the vagina, which is capable of expanding to a size large enough to deliver an infant, is capable of accommodating nearly any size of penis. The key? Foreplay. The more physiologically aroused a woman is the more the vaginal walls – which are normally touching – will dilate, and the deeper inside the cervix will ascend. When a man thrusts in at a certain angle, the cervix, along with the entire uterus is stimulated either from the top or bottom, eventually enabling the uteral – or ‘epicentre’ – orgasm. However, you apparently have to be at least seven inches or more to achieve this, with the ideal length being nine inches.
Of course, there are certain physiological limitations – as with penis size, some women are naturally much ‘deeper’ than others. An extremely petite woman, for example, is simply not going to be able to accommodate a full twelve inches, no matter how deep her cervix may ascend.
However, given the above information, it would still seem that nature has reserved certain pleasures for the more well-endowed man. Is this fair? Of course not, but then, whoever said life itself was?